One interesting thing about me is that I have a crippling fear of bothering people. I’m not sure where this fear came from.
Normally this really isn’t a problem. I guess it leads to me being pretty polite because I’m scared to interrupt people and all that… but right now it’s an issue.
I have had a whole lot on my mind lately. There’s a lot going on in my life. I’m kinda scared to go talk to people about it because I feel like “Oh, they’ve heard this all before. I just sound like a broken record. I doubt they want to hear me talk about this anymore. I’d better shut up so I don’t bother them.”
This is one reason why I’m using LJ a lot right now. Here I can post whatever I want to post, and if someone doesn’t want to hear it… they can just not read it.
I’ve gotten myself really down because of this. I want to go talk about things. I want to talk about some of the things that are going on in my life. I just want to talk to someone because I live alone and a lot of times I just don’t talk out loud… but I’m constantly scared of bothering people. This leads to me feeling all alone and isolated.
Even if they tell me “It’s okay Bun. I don’t mind,” it still bothers me. I start asking myself if they’re only telling me that because they think that’s what I want to hear, or do they really mean that?
Sigh. This is hard for me and I really have no idea why.