August 15th, 2020

Today was a really good day.

I drove most of the day. I woke up late at Snowy’s house after having a hard time getting to sleep last night. I got a shower, and went out for a few hour’s worth of driving.

My car, a VW Alltrack, in its native habitat in the Pacific Northwest.

It was really nice to get a bunch of hours behind the wheel again. I went all around Castle Rock, and then up about 2000′ high on Mt. St. Hellens. The photo above is my car at a place where there’s a restroom and a nice view. I like to stop there just to stretch a bit before the long trip back to Castle Rock.

The drive was was (and this is hard to believe) totally routine! It was just like any other drive I’ve done. I didn’t get freaked out once. I was relaxed the whole time. Traffic got heavy in places, but it wasn’t a big deal.

A month ago I put myself and Snowy’s lives in danger on that drive (which is what prompted me to get professional help in the first place). This time was not a big deal. We waited to leave until after the worst of the traffic would be over, which I think helped a lot, but … maybe these meds are helping? I sure hope so.


Snowy said she’s hearing my normal self start to slowly come back. We’ll see if that hold true, I guess. I haven’t felt “normal” in forever.

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a good day, too.

August 14th, 2020

Today was a good day!

I’m having a harder and harder time waking up in the morning. I blame the meds the doctor has me on. It’s really weird for me because I’m a morning person, and normally I can get up without even really trying. Now it’s a struggle.

A few years ago I tried an experiment. I moved all electronics from my bedroom, except my phone, which sits on a charging stand at night. There isn’t a TV in there, no computers, there’s not even a clock. (I did recently re-add a HomePod, but it doesn’t have a screen.) I do this because my room is the sleeping room, and I didn’t wanna be distracted by anything else in there. I watch a lot of TV, but I do it in the living room.

That experiment might have to end soon, if this keeps up. I’m having a harder and harder time getting up without the use of an alarm clock, but we’ll see where it goes. I’ve been told that sometimes your body gets used to new brain meds and things eventually go back to normal.

I realized today that it’s been about a week since I had the kind of episode where I freak out and throw things. I’ve still had episodes, yeah, but they haven’t resulted in me throwing things and getting that kind of mad. Maybe the meds are helping?

I’m still having bad thoughts. Yesterday I was fighting my brain telling me how much better the world would be if I wasn’t in it. I almost got to the point of calling someone just to ask them to talk to me about anything (literally anything) just to get my brain to jump off that subject, but it finally let go. It was pretty scary. 😰

I’m at Snowy’s house right now. We come here every other weekend so she can see her peoples. We tried another experiment that worked! We left Seattle around 7:30pm, so we missed most of the traffic. Since traffic was easy, I had no problem at all getting here.

A month ago really bad things happened on this drive, so I’m really glad today’s drive was easy. We avoided the gas station where everything went wrong last time, however, just to not tempt fate.

The lights in my hallway!

In unrelated news, the project I did last weekend to hang lights in my hallway turned out great! (And my fan is really dusty.) I just had to share. 💜

August 8th, 2020

Today was a good day.

My whole family (all four of us) came in town today, and we did a tourist thing. We went to the Space Needle. It’s something that’s neat to do when there’s family or friends in town, but not something I’d do just for fun on my own.

The Space Needle in Seattle, WA. Taken August 8th, 2020.

I had a rough scare getting there. An aggressive driver cut me off on the highway, but I was able to recover. It was pretty scary because all four of us were in the car at the time. I’ve learned in situations like that that it’s not during the event, but the few minutes that follow when I have an issue, but I was able to keep it together.

The Space Needle itself was just fine. They had us do this weird UV Light thing to get in, which I’m not sure what good it did, but I handled it fine. The elevators were okay, too.

I had a small freakout period actually up on the top, by the glass, when a bunch of people came by, but it was okay. Since I had Snowy and the rest of the family there, I ran to them, and kept it together. Phew.

A short time-lapse video of the monorail as seen from the Space Needle

We got home and watched a movie (Frozen II). There’s a scene in it where Elsa realizes she’s all alone and the plans she’s made have changed that hit me really hard. I started bawling. Snowy came over and sat with me and hugged me, and I made it past it.

Today was a good day. I need more days like today.